Well, there’s been no sign of that curious dog, despite a number of calls made to the hotline and rigorously recorded by the Baker-squirrels. I must say, readers, a number of logged calls have been rather suspicious, many of them asking for the likes of I. P. Freely, Jacques Strap, Seymour Butz, Mike Rotch, Hugh Jass and Anita Bath (I have watched The Simpsons, you know). More serious callers have given me a few tip-offs which I’ve been following nose-to-the-ground and I’ve sent some of the more chatty sparrows off on eye-in-the-sky missions across the Spa. Meanwhile, I’ve been spending a lot of time at HQ (the garden), overseeing operations while finding a few new snacks in our early spring weather. I am happy to say that the first quince appeared beneath the quince tree (Cydonia oblonga) on Friday, a little acidic perhaps for immediate consumption but very pleasant after the human stewed it up with a bag of caster sugar. She later made some quince pudding that I was very unsure about and consequently longed for my oral-care Science Plan. But the appearance of the quince has given me an idea for a new approach to the mystery.
Like that chap, Antonio López García, I plan to cunningly disguise myself as an artiste and set up base camp below the quince tree with an easel and palette, daubing as I go some abstract musings on to the canvas while secretly keeping a look out for the elusive dog. I do realise that in pursuing this course I’m following in the steps of perhaps the greatest detectives of all time, past, present and future, sharp as they come and donning some of the snappiest outfits in law enforcement: Rosemary and Thyme. Oh ladies, you are my true heroines and your beautiful love for each other touches my heart every time I watch your tender relationship unfold through yet another gardening-related crime. It is, of course, currently Rosemary and Thyme weekend on the always classy ITV3, an event into which I’ve dipped in and out to prove my devotion to the pair (even though I own all the episodes on DVD, complete with Rosemary and Thyme 'extras' - ooo the quiz is so excellent). It’s been my favourite programme since a little pup and I’ve learned all my shrewd and incisive tricks of the trade from those stars of the business. I imagine R&T would have thought up a similar plan to the one I propose to put into action later tonight and believe that like them, I will solve this thriller once and for all. To the garden, good human…
Chewed today: quince; béret; the 'hotline'
